Monday, March 28, 2005


Originally posted on Rights Now on February 15 2005

Gay Rights and Pecksniffian Voyeurs

by Daniel Andrew Gallagher

Originally posted on RIGHTS NOW, 15 February 2005. Original comments are presented in the post proper.

A friend of mine recently gave me the following joke. It goes like this.

A woman calls the police to her apartment because she looked out the window and saw a naked man in the apartment building across the street. When the police arrive they calm the woman down, get her to tell her story, and then take a look through the window themselves. Surprise surprise, the only thing they can see as a run down, vacant lot.

Clearly confused one of the policeman turns to the woman and says, "Ma'am, we're looking out your window right now and we don't even see an apartment building."

Furious the woman jumps out of the chair, crosses to the chest of drawers which is located in front of the window and yanks open a top drawer. "You're doing it all wrong!" The woman growls, pulling out a pair of binoculars as she climbs on top of the chest of drawers. "You can TOO see him!" She again growls. "You just have to get on top of the little chest here, take these binoculars, crane your head to the right, and look at the window way down there at the end of the street."

For all intents and purposes this is the kind of relationship that the Christian Right has with the Gay Community. We really aren't bothering anyone, we really aren't asking for anything that the hetersexual community doesn't already enjoy, and yetm for some voyeuristic reason, these over-stimulated straight people just can't seem to get enough of us.

At it's most absurd, this argument presents itself in the now all to familiar cliche about Adam and Steve. I'm sure you've heard this delusional fantasy before: That the heterosexual marriage of Bill and Cindy who live on north end Maple Street will be threatened by the homosexual marriage of Adam and Steve who live on the south end of Maple Street.

Excuse me?

Did I miss something here? Just how in the hell are Bill and Cindy aeffected in ANY way whatsoever by what Adam and Steve are doing? Do Bill and Cindy have such a weak, insecure amrriage that they're going to fall apart because Adam and Steve enjoy an occasional butt poking or blow job? Are Bill and Cindy so insecure in their sexual preferences that they're going to start inviting same sex partners to test the boundaries of their convictions?

Probably not.

In fact, the ONLY way that Bill and Cindy can EVER be affected by what Adam and Steve are doing is if they allow it to do so.

I shall repeat that point so that even the most obtuse of right wing Christians (obtuse, right wing, I repeat myself) will be able to understand the situation. The only way that a heterosexual couple can ever be affected by the activities of a homosexual couple is if the heterosexual couple allows their relationship to be affected in the first place.

And I have more bad news for Bill and Cindy. If their relationship is so fragile, and so insecure, and so delicate that it CAN be affected by the activities of another couple, then Bill and Cindy don't need a Constitutional Amendment or a special legislation to protect their very narrow definition of a relationship. They need a fricking marriage counselor or a couple of good divorce attorneys. But what Bill and Cindy, do NOT need and do not deserve is the right to tell someone else what they can or cannot do because of someone's archaic preconceived notion of marriage. Maybe, just maybe, if Bill and Cindy were to exercise a little personal responsibility and take a long, hard look at their own relationship and do what they need to do make certain that it is everything they want it to be, then perhaps, just perhaps, they just might realize that gay people aren't the problem.

My advice to people like Bill and Cindy is to do the following.

1.) Throw away the binoculars and get off the chest of drawers.

2.) Stop craning your damned necks to find out what your friends and neighbors are doing in the privacy of your own bedrooms.

3.) Go to that marriage improvement seminar that your husband's boss has been suggesting for the past four or five years.

4.) Stop worrying about things over which you do not and should not have any control over. Life is too short to make additional problems when we have so many real issues to be dealing with. Believe it or not a new global economy, two wars in the mideast, a devastating tsunami, corporate corruption, and a widening gulf between the rich and the poor are more important issues than whose butt is getting poked.

5.) Put as much time into nurturing your kids and tending to your own relationship as you to about whining and bitching about gays. You might just be surprised how this new burst of positivity might affect what happens in the privacy of your bedroom and in other vital areas of your relationship.

6.) Stop reading the dirty parts of The Torah, The Bible, or The Koran, and move forward from the 13th Century and walk briskly into the 21st. In short, it's time that we told these self-appointed moralists and would be theocrats to go play the part of the proverbial Inquisitioner in their own backyards and to leave their friends and neighbors to hell alone.


I can be an arrogant asshole too. DAMN this was good! Ciao Daniel
# posted by Daniel : 10:54 AM

Hey Daniel, it is Sam.Did Jeff tell you this, he told me something similiar. But hey its true.
# posted by Samantha : 4:16 PM

More to come just as soon as I'm done with this damned bug that I picked up. Yeah. Vulcan Central helped me with this one. We've had this conversation so many times before that I tought it would make a good post. I have a lot more to say about these topics as well. Just as soon as I'm done with this damned bout of flu that I picked up. CiaoDaniel
# posted by Daniel : 11:11 AM

Cool Daniel, I hope to see more soon. You should cover hate crime legislation next, that would be a good topic.And be sure to visit my blog at: www.paliberal.blogspot.comSee ya.
# posted by Samantha : 6:25 PM