Tuesday, February 21, 2006

THE A TO Z UNABASHED ANTI-ORWELLIAN DICTIONARY

Portions of this post were published on a sister blog in February of last year. At the time it was called the "UNABASHED ANTI ORWELLIAN DICTIONARY." Brandon found the original draft in an old email account and opted to flesh out the original version. So much has happened since February 2005 that we just couldn't resist the opportunity to take another stab at this increasingly expansive post.

Over the course of the last few days, many of us have added new terms and definitions, or just revised a few that were already there. We didn't intend to include ever letter of the alphabet, but we did just that.

Enjoy

Brandon
Kelli
Advocate 1
Kyle A.
Karen
Daniel
Enlightenment
Rachel



THE A TO Z UNABASHED ANTI-ORWELLIAN DICTIONARY


A-bu Ghraib\ah-boo 'graab\ n [MIDEASTERN] (introduced to American popular culture circa 2004-2005) (1): an Iraqi prison where Republican family values were practiced both, during and after the Hussein regime. (2): source of photos which George W. Bush, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeldt find sexually stimulating

al-ter-na-tive source of e-ner-gy \al-'ter-nah-tiv sorss of 'eh-nur-jee\ n pl alternative sources of energy [ORWELLIAN SALES TECHNIQUE, BUSH] (2006) (1): domestic oil as opposed to foreign oil (2): a deceptive buzz word used by lobbyists and oil-beholden politicians who want to shift our addiction to foreign oil to an addiction to domestic oil (3): an oil industry catch phrase designed to delay the development of renewable energy sources until the fossil fuel energy has bilked consumers for maximum profit

ax-is of e-vil\'aks-iss uv 'ee-vill\ n [BUSH DOUBLETALK] (circa 2001) (1): Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld (2): Cheney, Bush, and Rumsfeld (3): Rumsfeld, Cheney, and Bush (4): Cheney, Rumsfeld, and Bush (5): any three NEOCONS in the same room or with similar ideas

bush-ism \'bush-iz-im\ n pl isms\ [ORWELLIAN TONGUE-TIED] (1988 to present) (1): any unintentional slip of the tongue (2): the basic form of communication in the Bush crime family

col-or cod-ed a-lert sys-tem \'kul-or 'ko-ded a-'lert 'shysh-tem\useless practice or system [ASSCRACK, RIDGE to panic or to confuse] (2001) (1): a Republican system of campaigning designed to set Blacks, Whites, and Hispanics against one another (2): playing the race card (3): strategy employed by George W. Bush when he plays UNO with his pet salamander


cul-pa-ble de-ni-abil-i-ty \ 'cul-pah-bil de-ni-eh-'bi-leh-tee\ n pl ities [POLITICAL STRATEGY, lie like hell] (2000 to present) (1): a strategy employed whenever the Bush Administration is caught lying, ergo any commonly practiced method by which the truth is vehemently denied (2): a technique employed whenever George W. Bush or one of his advisors or spokespersons opens his or her mouth.

com-pass-sion-ate con-serv-at-iv-ism \cum 'pash-un'at con-'sherv-a-tiv-ish-m\ n [GEORGE W BUSH, I got mine, to hell with you] (2000) (1): An oxymoronic phrase in which radical right wingers try to pass themselves off as legitimate conservatives while hiding their contempt for the poor, Blacks, Hispanics, gays, and religious/ethic minorities. (2): I got mine to hell with you (3): If you need help, fuck off (4): social darwinism (5): the law of the jungle


de-moc-ra-cy \de-'moc-rah-see\ n pl cies [MF democratie fr LL democratia, fr Gk demokratia, fr demos + kratia ] (1576) (1): the form of government that conservatives are dedicated to overthrowing (2): a form of government which conservatives, NEOCONS in particular, find offensive and burdenesome. (3): a form of government which George W. Bush recognizes as a threat to his budding American Empire

de-moc-ra-cy (2) A form of government elected by the people. The chosen government may have sanctions imposed or military action taken against them if the USA don't like the people's choice. See Palestine (2006), Dominican Republic (1963), Cuba (1952), Iran (1953), Ecuador (1963), El Salvador (1972), Chile (1973) etc. *

en-vi-ron-ment-al pro-tec-tion\en-'vii-run-'ment-all pro-'tekt-shun\ n pl tions [POLITICAL DOUBLESPEAK fr CORPORATE DOUBLESPEAK) (circa mid 1960s to present, current Bush decpetion, circa 2001 to present) (1): Dump this shit wherever you like (2): have some cancer (3) global warming is good for you (4): buzz word for polluting without legal consequences

faith-based pro-gram \faath baasd 'pro-gram\ n pl sh [BUSH, preyer, damn religious freedom] (1990s to 2004) (1): a means by which hungry people are black mailed into accepting reich wing Christian beliefs (2): method by which lower class people can be proselytized with governmental funds (3): an effort by religious fanatics to make the the entire country as moronic as the Radical Christian Right. (4): a TV program in which Anne Coulter discovers that she is the Whore of Babylon and jumps the bones of the False Prophet, Donald Rumsfeld, to relieve their many frustrations


fam-i-ly val-ues\'fam-ih-lee 'val-yews\ n sing ue [REAGEN REVISIONIST RIGHT] (mid 1980s) 1): a series of beliefs held by narrow-minded individuals who want to impose their repressive family structures and religious beliefs on others (2): a conservative buzz word used by indviduals who do not value families (3): phrase used by right wing religious zealots whose reactionary belief system mirrors that of the former Manson Family

flip-flop-per\'flip-flop-per\ n pl persh [ BUSH PREYER, damn religious freedom] (circa 2003-2004) (1): term designed by far right to smear presidential candidate John Kerry in 2004 election (2): sexual technique performed by Paris Hilton and her pat rat (3); acrobatic act performed by George W. Bush as he avoids televised press conferences

FOX \ foks\n sing [PROPAGANDA, acronym] (1980s to present) (1): political and media shorthand for Fools, Oddballs and Xenophobes

free e-lec-tion \ free ih-'lek-shun\ n pl tions (13c) (1): a process which has not taken place at the presidential level in the United States since November 1996 (2): an antiquated concept which would undermine the NEOCONS in Washington DC (3): a process or activity which Republicans and Conservatives in general support when it brings friendly right wing regimes and death squads to power in foreign countries

free trade\ free traad\ n pl trades [GLOBALIST DOUBLE SPEAK; NEOCON ORWELLIAN] (1988 to present) (1): an economic policy highly akin to corporate fascism by which Transnational Corporations intend to destroy national governments

get-ting the good news out\geht-ting thuh guhd 'newzh owt\ v [[ORWELLIAN DECEPTION] (popularized circa 2004-2005) (1): lying (2): deceiving (3): prevaricating (4): deception (5): distortion (6): propaganda (7): right wing bullshit

glob-al-iz-a-tion \glob-ahl-iiz-aa-shun\ n pl tions [TRANSNATIONAL DECEPTION; UTOPIAN FANTASY] (1988 to present) (1): utopian belief that corporate values will lead to an international performance of Kumbaya (2): a process by which transnational corporations can treasonously undermine nation states (3): a political-economic system designed to destroy human civilization in favor of a corporate dictatorship

go fuck your-self \goh 'fuk yur-shelf\ v [CHENEY, nuff said] (summer 2004) (1): off the cuff comment made by Dick Cheney when he ran out of intelligent responses (2): What George W. Bush utters outloud whenever he reads the Bill of Rights. (3): What Jesus Christ will say to Bush and his warmongering supporters when he condemns them to eteranal damnation for their savagery and outright hypocrisy

G.O.P. \gee- oh pee\ acronymn [OLD REPUBLICAN, revised definition] (2004) (1): Greedy Old Prudes (2): Greedy Old Pigs (3): Grating Old Puritans (4): Geeks, Oddballs, and Pissants

Guan-tan-a-mo Bay\gwon-'tahn-ah-moh baa\n [GEOGRAPHICAL LOCATION] (poplular usage circa 2002) (1): American torture chamber operated by sexual sadists in the second Bush Administration. (2): training ground for sexual psychopaths in the second Bush Administration.

HMO \ ach-em-'oh\ n pl HMOs {HEALTH CARE RACKET, abbreviation] (1980s to present) (1): health care abbreviation for Hand the Money Over (2): a pyramid scheme perpetuated by the health care industry to bilk the many while favoring the few (3): any crooked scheme which is designed to cheat the American people in the name of health care.

in-tel-li-gent de-sign\in-'tel-lih-jent dee-'siin\ n pl signs [CREATIONISM, DOUBLESPEAK] (1990s to present) (1): creationism (2): the belief that religious fanatics were moulded out of Satan's bowel movements (3): a thought system embraced by people whose families have been interbreeding for at least 300 years (4): a religiouis point of view with little design and even less intelligence

ju-di-cial re-straint\ju-'dish-ahl re-'straint\ n [LEGALESE] (1): a political congame in which courts and judges are rendered impotent so as to benefit the corporate oligarchy (2): a nickname for the straight jacket in which George W. Bush would like to strap the judicial branch

kill-ing\'kil-ing\n pl ings [[BUSH ART FORM, NEOCON PASSTIME] (Circa 2001 to present) (1): what most of George W. Bush's Mid Eastern policy has produced (2): the act perpetuated upon the American Constitution by Bush and his NEOCON empire builders

lib-er-al me-di-a\'lihb-ur-ahl 'mee-dee-ah\ n pl ias [NIXONIAN REDEFINITION] (popularized in America early 1970s0 (1): propaganda term used by corrupt right wing politicians when they don't like the news cycle (2): distractionary tactic to divert attention from Republican scandals and ineptitude

lib-er-al north-east \'lib-ral north-'eesht \ regional description [UNPATRIOTIC RIGHT] (2004) (1): a term employed by Carl Rove and George W. Bonehead to deny the fact that the liberal north east founded this country (2): term designed by the former members of the confederacy to deny the fact that the only contributions that Southern states have made to this country have been negative ones.

man-date \'man-daat\ n pl sh [GOP SPIN MACHINE] (2000, 2004) (1): What George Bush claims he had with a mere 52 percvent of the election (2): What Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson will never go on. (3): What the Log Cabin Republicans have already gone on (4): What right wing, male homophobes need the most.


mar-riage pro-tec-tion a-mend-ment \'mair-raj pro-'tek-shun 'a-mend-ment\ n pl ments [HOMOPHOBIC ORWELLIAN REICH] (2004-present) (1): a hate-based amendment designed to make bigotry and inquality lawful (2): a Constitutional Amendment proposed by the Christian Reich to deny gays and lesbians rights which are already enjoyed by heterosexuals (3): any of a number of proposed amendments to the federal and various state constitutions which, by their very nature, are unconstitutional (4): a temporary measure which will almost certainly be overturned by more enlightened thinkers

med-i-care part d \ med-'ih-caar part dee\ nondescriptive phrase, singular {HEALTH CARE, POLITICAL] (2004-2005) (1): a process by which the limitted resources of the elderly are redistributed to wealthy insurance companies (2): a political process by which the Bush Administration intends to secretly kill senior citizens for refusing to endorse the privatization of Social Security

NEOCON \'ee-oh-kon\ acronym [RADICAL RIGHT, repressive] (2000) (1): Neanderthals Endangering Our Constitution Over Nonsense (2): Nutcakes Eliminating Our Civilization Over Nothing

nine e-lev-en, nine e-le-ven \niin e-'lev-en, 'niin e-'le-ven\ n pl sh [COALITION gotcha] (2001) (1): the respective IQs of George W. Bush and Anne Coulter. (2) screw number 2--I'm so pleased with number 1 I'll let it stand as it is.

nine one one \niin won 'won\ phrase[RIGHT WING MEDIA, abbreviation] (2001) (1): the respective IQs of Dick Cheney, Imalyin Rice, and Sam Alito. (2): Anne Coulter's measurements

no child left be-hind \no 'chiild left be-'hind\ policy [ORWELLIAN BUSH, to terrorize or exploit children] (2002) (1): an overtly deceptive policy designed to channel high school youth into the military (2): no child left under the control of his or her parents (3): a policy of corporeal punishment endorsed by the Radical Chrictian right in which the buttocks are whipped off of an unruly and/or nonchristian child.


NSA \en-ess-'aa\ abbreviation [REICH WING ABBREVIATION, to invade or to snoop] (2001 to present) (1): Nazis Snooping Aggressively (2): any reich wing organization which tramples the Constitution to invade the privacy of the American people

ol-i-gar-chy\'ol-ih-gar-kee\n [REPUBLICAN FORM OF GOVERNMENT] (1980 to 1992, 2001 to present) (1) : a government in which a small group exercises control especially for corrupt and selfish purposes (2): the Republican dominated House of Representatives since 1994 (3): corporate lobbyists (4): corporate CEOs and Boards of Directors

par-tial birth a-bor-tion \'par-shel burth a 'bor shun\ n pl tions [RADICAL CHRISTIAN, to hate women] (1990s) (1): the surgical procedure survived by George W. Bush (2): a term created by the radical Christian right to justify the deaths of child bearing women who may encounter serious health problems during the last trimester

pa-tri-oti-sm \'pa-tree-eh-ti-zehm\ n pl isms [REICH WING DISTORTION] (2001 to present) (1): nationalism (2): a series of emotions and instincts manipulated by the NEOCONS to distract from both, the inept execution of their policies, and corrupt cronyism at the higher levels of the Bush War Crime Regime. (3): emotions frequently invoked by hypocritical , right wing politicians who want the sons and daughters of lower and middle class Americans to die on foreign soil while said politicians and their spoiled offspring do little to nothing to demonstrate any form of patriotism themselves (4): an emotional catch phrase used by right wing political thugs who have no sense of patriotism but who use the term as a duplicitous political slogan. (5): propaganda

per-son-al re-spon-si-bil-i-ty \ 'purs-nel ri-'spon-seh-'bi-leh-tee \ belief or practice\ n, pl ities [ORWELLIAN & REAGENESQUE, to abuse or to ignore] (1980s) (1): a potentially beneficial concept which was batsardized into an excuse for greed, apathy, and narcissism during the 1980s (2): social darwinism (3): the law of the jungle (4): survival of the fittest. (5): What right wingers demand of others but seldom practice themselves

per-son-al sav-ings ac-count \ purs-nel 'sav-ings ac-cownt \ economic pyramid scheme [G. W. BUSH, you're on your own, buzz off] (1): a right wing phrase designed to work on the greed and selfishness of young conservatives (2): a risky scheme based on the theory that the strong should live and the weak should die (3): the special bank account that George W. uses when he wants to buy pizza, leather panty hose, and crack coaine


pr-va-cy \ 'prii-vah-see\ n pl cies (15c) [POLITICAL, CONSTITUTIONA 1776-present, to be left alone] (1): a concept which the Bush Regime is dedicated to overthrowing (2): what no one in the United States enjoyed from 2001 until the present (3): a concept seen as unpatriotic by the Bush Regime and NEOCONS in general.

pro-life \pro-'liif\ adj [RADICAL REICH, to kill women] (1970s) (1): a half baked theo-political theory based on the hatred of strong women and the foolish belief that sperm and egg cells are fully human prior to conception (2): an 0rwellian term designed to cover up the fact that most of the woman- hating Christian Right may be latently homosexual

pro-tect-ing you, pro-tec-ting you \pro-'tect-ing yoo, pro-'tek-ting yoo\ v {ORWELLIAN DECEPTION, BUSHISM] (2001-present) (1): invading the privacy of the American people under illegal circumstances (2): illegally gathering political information on political oppontents for political purposes in the name of national security

quis-ling\'kwiz-linj\ n {Vidkun Quisling 1945, Norwegian politician] (1): traitor who collaborates with the invaders of his own country, esp by serving in a puppet government (2): term applied to Republican NEOCONS who used a national tragedy to undermine the Constitution of the United States

re-li-gious free-dom\ree-'lih-jus 'free-dumb\ n pl doms [THEOCRATIC RIGHT, ORWELLIAN CONFUSION] (1): an emotional buzz phrase bantered about by those who support freedom of religion for themselves but not others (2): a term frequently misconstrued by the religious right so as to embrace the freedom to establish one's religion

ren-di-tion\ren-'dih-shun\ n pl tions [W DOUBLE SPEAK] (popularized circa 2004) (1): torture (2): the high-pitched musical notes produced by the victim when Dick Cheney shoots a friend and fellow hunter in the face

RE-PUB-LI-CAN \ree-'pub-lih-kan\ acronym [COALITION FOR A REPUBLICAN-FREE AMERICA, revealing hidden meaning] (2005) (1): Reactionary Evangelicals Preaching Unmitigated Bullshit Like Idiots, Crackpots and Neanderthals (2): Radical Evangelical Puritans Undermining Basic Liberties In Crafty, Ambiguous Nuances

se-cure- ir-aq \'sheh-kewr ihr-'rok\ fnatasy phrase\ n\ [NECON, impossible , RIGHT WING, moronic] (1991) (1): the bank at which Bush Incorporated will hide all the loot once the Iraq Oil money is going directly into their pockets (2): a fanatasy land, such as the Santa's North Pole, where Iraq is actually a peaceful democracy. (3): any foolish, right wing pipe dream

so-cial se-cur-i-ty cri-sis. \'sho-shul she-'keur-it-te 'crish-ish\ fear mongering technique [RIGHT WING BULLSHIT, phoney issue, red herring, smoke screen] (2004) (1): a battle cry to divert America's problems from the failed war in Iraq (2): a right wing buzz word to divert America's attention from the deficit (3): catch phrase used by modern day MCarthyists who would allow old people to starve to death because Bush Inc foolishly considers Social Security a form of Communism (4): what old people will go through if Bush succeeds in destroying the system as he seems so determined to do


stea-dy pro-gress in ir-aq \ 'ste-dee 'pro-gress in ir-'aq\ n deceitful propaganda [MORE RIGHT WING BULLSHIT, cry of the desperate, derived from creative lying under difficult circumstances] (2003 to the present) (1): a myth fabricated by the NEOCONS to convince the American people that their war of agression is going well (2): Orwellian buzzword for "we fucked up big time but can't admit as much" (3): electoral propaganda tool to convince America that George W. Bush was not instrumental in the creation of the greater Iranian Empire (4): Orwellian propaganda used by NEOCON Empire-builders to excuse the massive death and destruction that their sociopathic tendencies have caused during a war of agrresssion

strong re-solve \shtrong re-'sholv\ dreck [CHENEY, RUMMYHEAD, let others carry] (2002) (1): a militay policy which allowed unsuspecting young men to die in Vietnam while George W. Bush hid under his mommy's hoop skirt. (2): A military strategy designed by Donald Rumsfeld which keeps 90-year-old men on the battlefield (3): a pseudo patriotic phrase employed by pseudo patriots as they sit behind desks and send young Americans to their deaths on the battlefield (4): bravery on the part of American troops (5): Cowardly behavior on the part of conservative politicians

ter-ror a-lert \'tur-rur a-'lurt\ n pl sh [JOHN ASSCRACK, RIDGE,to panic or to scam] (2001) (1): What the rest of the world goes through whenever George W. Bush puts his foot in his mouth (2): What sane, civilized Americans experience whenever George W. Bush gets another vision from Jesus and won't take his meds (3): a psychological condition endemic to the Iraqi children George W. Bush has orphaned as a result of his war of choice in Iraq (4): a psychological condition endemic to Iraqi parents who lost children as a result of the war of choice in Iraq. (5): an emotional condition being experienced by many veterans who come home with war injuries and Post Trauamatic Stress Disorder.


tor-ture \ 'tor-chur\ n sing Bush fetish {NEOCONS, SEXUAL SADISTS, SOCIOPATHS, a pleasant pass time] (2001-present) (1): the only means by which sexually frustrated Republicans can find sexual satisfaction (2): an illegal practice which Bush,Cheney, and Rumsfeld find amusing and stimulating (3) what the United States of America experienced during the Bush-Cheney war crime regime

they hate us be-cause of our free-doms \thay hate ush be-'kush uff owr 'free-dumsh\misleading phrase [BUSH II, we'll fix that] (2001) (1): an excuse used by the second Bush administration to re-enact the Patriot Act. (2): an attempt by right wingers to make America as totalitarian under radical Christianity as the Mideast is under radical Islam


un-A-mer-i-can\un-ah-'mur-ih-kan\adj [fr DUPLICITOUS RIGHT] (1994 to present) (1a) not of America (1b): openly hostile or treasonous to America or its interests (2): the Republican Party under George W. Bush (3): apt description of the United States House of Representatives from 1994 to present (4): pertaining to the Republicans and their treasonous atitude towards the Constitution (5):pertaining to the Reopublican Party and the manner in which it has killed the American dream except for those at the top of the economic ladder (6); virtually any policy proposed by the NEOCONS, and George W. Bush since the latter was appointed as Demander and Thief

vou-cher pro-gram\'vow-chur 'pro-gram\ n pl grams [RELIGIOUS CON GAME fr CONSERVATIVE CATHOLIC] (1): congame devised by the child-molesting, Catholic Church to both undermine church-state separation and to fund Catholic indoctrination centers (2): a practice endorsed by white-collared perverts who use Barbie Dolls and Snickers Bars to attract their under age dates

will of the A-mer-i-can peo-ple \will uv thuh a-'mur-i-kan 'pee-pul\ misleading phrase [BUSH SUPPORTERS, tyranny of the majority] (2004) (1): a war cry by the radical right which still doesn't understand that a mere 52 percent isn't a mandate (see mandate) (2): the guy named Will who's always urinating in back of the local tavern

win the peace \ win thuh 'peess \ cheerlading phrase [ROVE AND RUMSFELD, to run like a thief] (2002) ( 1a): phrase employed by the second Bush (mis)administration (1b): any wartime phrase designed to deceive the unsuspecting public. (2): to take the oil (3): to wage nonstop warfare for political or economic gain.

xan-thic\'zan(t)-thik\ adj [F xanthique fr Gk xanthos] (1): of or relating to or tending towards the color yellow (2): a term which describes the befuddled George W. Bush on the morning of 911 (3): a descriptive word for pro war Republicans who support the invasion of Iraq, and who allow volunteers to die in their place, but lack the courage to fight the war which they so loudly support

ya-hoo\yaa-hu, 'yah-hu\ n pl hoos\ n (1): cap: a member of a race of brutes in Seifts Gulliver's Travels who have the form and all the vices of men (2): an uncouth or rowdy person (3): a gutless Americanm corporation which sold out to the Fascist Bush War Crime Regime (4): slang word for your typical, clumsy, plodding Republican

zom-bi or zom-bie\ 'zahm-bee\n [of Niger-Congo origin, akin to Kongo nzambi god] (1): a will-less and speechless human in the West Indies capable only of autmoatic movement and who is held to have died and been reanimated, but often believed to have been drugged into catelepsy for the hours of internent. (2) your typical, Republican voter in 2000 and again in 2004 who thought George W. Bush was not a sociopath (3): your typical Republican Congressman when confronted by the corporate lobbyists to whom he or she is beholden for financial support

* submitted by Ragnarok at Long(ing) Distances



5 comments:

Elizabeth Branford said...

EXCELLENT POST, group! I would have laughed more, but sadly, it hits so close to the truth.

Mandelbrot's Chaos said...

Yes, because demonizing the "enemy" worked so well for the Soviet Union. After all, didn't the Soviet Union celebrate the 85th anniversary of the Bolshevik Revolution not more than three or four years ago? I'm not calling you socialists or communists. I'm calling you wide-eyed, naïve partisan ideologues who lately have preferred shouting at the darkness as your alternative to lighting a candle.

I once respected this website, but turned away from it as it devolved from intelligent, insightful commentary into mindless invective. If you're going to be angry, be angry, but do so in a reasoned manner. If you're going to use humor, by all means, be funny. However, you have achieved neither while rather poorly, crudely, and childishly attempting both.

I frequent liberal and libertarian blogs, and to a far lesser extent, conservative blogs, and there's a reason I removed a link to your site from my blog. The comments above outline those nicely.

And for the love of whatever you find holy, whatever is being typed should be in a readable format. The words should not be running over each other and be in a font size that causes the lines to overlap. That means you, Brandon. And please, use a writing style that's more subtle than an old Gallagher comedy show or an episode of the O'Reilly Factor.

Daniel Gallagher said...

You have completely misundertsood what we're about.

I was telling Brandon just the other night that we should start a church and call it THE FIRST CHURCH OF MANDELBROT'S ENLIGHTENMENT.

Since we have nothing better to do than sit around all night and sing the praises of such a supposedly superior being with an IQ of -140 (sorry bout the - sign, we're such crappy typists around here!) we decided we might as well deify you before your megalomania did that for you.

It would have worked like this. Bandon would have written glorious gospels. Suggested titles included: THE MIRACLES OF MANDELBROT; The GOSPEL OF PERFECTION ACCORDING TO MANDELBROT; THE DIVINITY OF CHAOS, and (my personal favorite) MANDELBROT AND THE 72 HOOKERS.

You get the idea. We would have written about your compassion for the rich and powerful. The proposed SERMON FROM WALLSTREET would have been a classic. I especially like the scene where you walk on fine French wine, although the story about how you fed three people on $5,000 wouldn't have been too tacky either. Of course, there was the part about how you rode into Washington in a custom made Rolls Royce, upset the Bush Administration and got into heaps of trouble was...disturbing. The scene where Carl Rove hands you over to the Neocons for crucifixion was a little upsetting too, but your return engagement was a real hoot! Especially since we had you coming back in a flashy classic car (Trevor likes a 1936 Auburn--he actually HAS one-- but that's open for debate). Your return to the Celestial Maker was impressive as were the various Acts and Letters from your many hellacious Apostates.

It's a pity. Really, it is! Brandon thought we might build an altar. Kelli thought we might round up a few chosen virgins (whores would do in a pinch) so that they could dance themselves to death as they proficiate the great God Mandelbrot. Kyle thought he might start a cult so that we could have a series of religious wars in your name! I would have glady evolved out of atheist phase to become your mortal representative among the mere masses. Kind of like a gay Pope, although I would have differed from the Catholic Clergy in that I prefer partners over the age of 18, but I'm getting off topic. Advocate 1 thought we'd erect a bronze statue in your honor. Karen would have gladly served as the treasurer and I'm sure Rachel (being a former music teacher) would have gladly written a hymnal of new songs, singing the praises of the great and glorious Mandelbrot.

But now we don't know WHAT to do. Our chosen God has rejected us! He won't offer his advice on what and how we shuld write on our own blog! He doesn't want to link with us! He doesn't write! He doesn't call! We feel so EMPTY! We feel so USED!

Life can't go on without the blessing of Mandelbrot! We are HEART-BRO-KEN! Ab-soooo-looot-leeee fuck-ing HEART-BROKEN! Our beloved Deity has rejected us!

Whatever shall we DO!

Oh what to shit,we'll think of something. Life goes on.

Ciao

Daniel

Mandelbrot's Chaos said...

Please, Daniel, be my Yoda. Teach me why I'm so wrong to have compassion for a 60-year-old man who accidentally shot his friend, especially a 60-year-old man who has the heart of an 85-year-old, assuming the 85-year-old in question has his own team of cardiologists and more wiring in his chest than the Space Shuttle.

Teach me why I should only have compassion for those with whom I agree, instead of choosing based on the circumstances involved without regard for my personal opinion of the individual in question.

Spirit me away to the planet Dagobah and make me understand why it's okay to have a former Klansman and another man whose mistress died in an "accident" he failed to report until 24 hours later as prominent members of my party, while it isn't okay for a member of the opposing party to have someone else report a much less significant accident two hours after the fact, after the victim had begun treatment by medical professionals.

Then again, you look neither short nor green, nor is your sentence structure backwards, so I beg of you, "Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope."

If the Democrats want to portray themselves as the party of compassion, perhaps you, their members, should start displaying some humanity.

Yoda said...

Gladly will I apprentice you Chaos Mandelbrot.

Admit you must that a problem you have. This have you done! Next admit you must that you a part of the problem you are.