Friday, March 17, 2006

THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!!!!!!

I am shocked! Shocked!

When I opened the flier in my local paper I was horrified to discover that the front page was crowded advertisements, all of which had been designed to sell corned beef, cabbage, and Irish soda bread. As I turned the page I found additional sales for potatoes: Idaho bakers, Wisconsin Russets, Yukon golds; you name it.

After recovering from the initial shock I decided to overlook the shock of this crass commercialism and decided to venture out to my favorite market, secure in the fact that I would be able to avoid the temptation from the local shopper advertiser. But when I stepped through the front store I was horrified. Absolutely horrified. Staring me in the face were display signs filled with big green shamrocks and--can you believe it?--leprechauns.

And it wasn't going to get any better. As I grabbed my cart and barrelled down the center aisle towards the milk and fresh produce, I was affronted by rows and rows of jelly beans, marshmallow chicks, and chocolate Easter bunnies. Even more offensive, were the in store advertisements, the big tawdry display signs of bipedal rabbits holding straw baskets filled with colored, boiled eggs and brightly colored candies on a bed of green, plastic straw.

Maybe it's me, but I have come to believe that this is an affront to everything that I hold sacred and decent. In my opinion this is a war against Christmas! Everyone knows that Christ was really born in the spring! But did I see any manger scenes, or wise men? Nooooo. All I saw were images of cartoon bunnies and fattening candies. In my opinion Saint Patrick's Day and Easter have become Satanic tools in the left wing, secular, commie-pinko, socialistic, communistic war against Christmas and I am not going to shop at any store which refuses to recognize Christ's birthday in March or April.

Thank you for your time and attention

Brian.

PS

HAPPY SAINT PATRICK'S DAY!
Erin Go Bragh!

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