Thursday, February 08, 2007

Yet Another Bush Idiocy Campaign

Thought everyone might like to read this article I found...

Bush Proposes New State Names

AP - 1 hour, 2 minutes ago

WASHINGTON, D.C. - In what’s being hailed as a bold move, President Bush announced Thursday a piece of legislation that would change the names of many states in the country. While no specific date is set for the change, the president remains optimistic of the plan. “There’s so many to remember,” he lamented in the official statement. “It makes it easier for everyone in the country, especially all those kids I helped in No Child Left Behind. They don’t have to study as much, this way, which is how our school system should be. No studying. That’s not how kids learn.”

Many officials are surprised at the plan, and already there are steps being taken in Congress to block the new law. “It’s ridiculous,” asserted Senator Russ Feingold (D-WI). “It’s taken us this long to learn the state names that already exist. What’s the point of making new ones that we have to learn all over?” Proponents of the bill claim that the new system works better because of the clever name combinations the president created himself. “The new state names are much more efficient than the old ones,” stated Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison (R-TX). “They’re taking the best elements from each state and merging them together to make what we’re calling MegaStates.” Hutchison, as well as inside officials in the White House, have also hinted that the proposal will, at some point, include a new name for the country. “Well, I don’t want to say anything definite yet but we might someday in the near future be known as ‘The United MegaStates of America,’” suggests a source close to the president.

This touches on recent efforts to redraw border lines between states, often connecting a Republican-dominated and Democratic-dominated state. Critics of the legislation claim the president is simply “trying to give his party more votes for Round 2008,” and have begun calling the plans “legislated gerrymandering.” While many Democrats acknowledge some of the combinations are “logical,” such as calling North and South Dakota The Dakotas, or North and South Carolina The Carolinas, the rest, they say, are “preposterous and an insult to this great country.” Other plans include combining New Hampshire and Vermont to form New Vermontshire, Massachusetts, Connecticut and Rhode Island in Massicut Island, Wisconsin and Illinois for Illisconsin, and Montana and Idaho for Montanaho. Though those were the only connections explicitly stated in the proposal, many Washington insiders have suspected others may be coming in the future. Among the new names: Calivada, a combination of California and Nevada, and WashOreTon, for Washington and Oregon. Many also speculate that the remaining Midwestern states will be lumped together in a group known as The Middle. “I’ve heard the president say on more than one occasion that there’s so many damn states in the Midwest, who can remember them all? The Middle basically let’s you know where it is geographically, and obviously the states aren’t important enough to make a distinction for themselves. Why do we need to distinguish them further?” one White House official, who spoke only on condition of anonymity, recounted. Bush emphasized, however, that Texas will not change. “Don’t mess with Texas,” he warned.

When asked about the rest of the states that were not included in the proposal, the president simply replied, “What other states?” Meanwhile, New York governor Eliot Spitzer has already declared that if the bill is approved, he will secede New York from the country.

1 comment:

Daniel Gallagher said...

Bush has a talent for finding insulting names for people and for naming legislation and policies in Orwellian manners.

It's kind of interesting because in a very real sense, you have him dividing the United States into administrative districts in much the way Hitler divided Germany into administrative gaus.

Great stuff. Loved it!