Thursday, May 03, 2007

Do you REALLY want America to be completely Republican-Free?

According to Rassmussen Reports, voters are continuing to flee the GOP so fast that for the first time ever the number of Republicans has fallen into third place, behind not only Democrats (who they now trail by over 5%) but also behind the number of unaffiliated voters. Comparing the 31.0% of American voters who considered themselves to be Republicans now to the 37.1% of American voters who claimed to be Republicans on election day 2004, it appears that fully one out of six Republicans have left the party in only a bit over two years. Most have apparently become unaffiliated voters, though even the most expensive health care system in the world can only keep the Barry Goldwater-loving, Joe McCarthy idolizing, 'the only Democrat they liked was Wallace-- the old Wallace' generation of paleocon dinosaurs alive for so long. Some of them have gone on to a nice, very warm vacation by now.

If we project this rate of decrease linearly, we see that the by the end of the next decade, Republicans will vanish entirely from the earth. And because of their opposition to cloning, stem cell research and universal health coverage, they won't even be able to ward off their own extinction.

I believe the time to do something is now. We must not let this happen. We must apply the provisions of the endangered species act, and create a preserve where Republicans can be protected from all the causes of their ills. Only FOX News will be allowed to broadcast within the preserve, and a continual supply of rosy news will flash across a ticker, right under the quadruple rows of barbed wire fence.

We might even create a captive colony of 'breeder Republicans' in a zoo somewhere, where they can help promulgate the species. Yeah, I know-- you are claiming that they won't because they are afraid of fornication. Well, let me tell ya, that isn't a problem. Truth be known, Republicans love to fornicate. They just don't want anyone to know they liked it. So we will make sure that the Justice Department security cameras that have a little cutout of Alberto Gonzales on them don't show a few select areas for them (though if both the fornicating Republicans are of the same gender, the rest of the captive colony will likely cook them and eat them.)

We cannot let these beautiful creatures die off. After all, they are like a record cold day in May-- you need one once in a long while to remind you of why you are glad it is May.

So just send your check or money order for $100 to the address on your screen...


Lew Scannon said...

Once people realize that they Republicans are only there to protect the ultra-rich, and not the middle class, the more ship jumpers they are going to encounter.

Snave said...

I dunno... sounds kind of like Michelle Malkin's idea of internment camps to me... !!

Actually, I like your idea quite a bit. We need to get them to live in some kind of zoo, or preserve.

If you go to my weblog, you can read an article for which I posted a link. I titled the post something like "Let's All Go On a Cruise!" (scroll down) It's about a cruise National Review organizes for 500 neocons at a time to go on. Fascinating, in a morbid kind of way!

Anyway, why doesn't National Review buy some islands somewhere, and those neocons who go on the cruises can be deposited on the islands, never to return to the United States. They can have their own little nation! They could call it Boneheadia, or maybe Dumbassia. Ignorania would also be good. They would be independent of the U.S.A. because they seem to hate America so much. Maybe theirs would become a "Lord of the Flies" kind of thing... now THAT would be cool!

I think NR does this cruise thing a few times a year, and the ship holds about 500 people... so let's say they took 500 people to the islands three times a year for 10 years... that would be 15,000 neocons. Not enough. Our country needs to get rid of more of them.

Maybe the Review needs to up the number of cruises to about one per week for ten years. That would be 260,000 neocons out of the U.S. Still not enough...

Better yet, let's do four cruises a week for ten years. That's a little over a million of the suckers gone, out of our hair, no longer trying to dictate how we lead our lives. And hey, a million of them? It might lead to an overpopulation problem for them, depending on how small or large their islands are.

Wouldn't it be sweet to see them begging for food and other imports from the U.S.? If they were on islands without much in the way of natural resources, we could force them to burn up all their money very quickly by jacking up prices on things they'd need, like grains, lumbers, processed foods... It would be fantastic! They would be reduced to "third world" status in a fairly short time.

Of course we would have to enforce a "no-fly" and "no-sail" zone to keep them from leaving their islands and returning to the U.S. I know I wouldn't want them coming back, anyway.