Saturday, December 31, 2005

SPEECH TRANSCRIPT, Dated 29 February, 2006

The following is a transcript of the Speech that George W. Bush made during prime time on February 29, 2006 in defense of domestic spying and wiretaps. It appears on The Coalition For a Republican-Free America compliments of Daniel Andrew Gallagher, co founder and occasional trouble-maker.

Good evening my fellow Americans.

Tonight I want to discuss a matter of grave impotence. In recent weeks many of you have expressed concerns about my recent decision to invade the privacy of the American people. Many of you have expressed outrage and concern over the possibility that this administration might abuse the information that we obtain, or that we might engage in surveillance for purposes other than national security, or that we might reveal potentially embarrassing information to the public at large.

My fellow Americans, I under stand your concerns. When I took the Oath of Office I swore to protect and uphold Constitutional provisions which might in any and every way concentrate more and more power in the office of the Presidency, this presidency in particular. But that doesn't mean that I won't abuse the power that I have grabbed since my appointment to this position. I take your right to privacy very seriously. I am a very private and secretive individual myself. I thoroughly believe that the American people have no right to know neither what nor why I do anything. And, by the same token, I want my subjects to understand that I will do everything within my ever increasing powers to guarantee that neither the press, nor the American people will ever discover just how corrupt this administration has become.

This, my fellow Americans, is an emergency situation, and I fully intend to milk it for what it's worth. My political career is on the line and I need to do something to terrorize or at least intimidate my critics until they exercise their constitutional right to remain silent. To that end I will do anything and everything, both legal and otherwise, to guarantee my political survival, even when it comes before minor inconveniences such as integrity, honesty, and decency--qualities which should be limited to the ruled but strictly ignored by the rulers.

As your Demander and Thief I promise to protect you from the rights that have burdened us from the inception of the American Republican. As your Demander and Thief, I promise that no embarrassing or humiliating piece of information will go unpublished. No stone will remain unturned as we seek to destroy anyone who speaks out against us.

Take for example this email from a Mrs. Catherine Killigrew. In the following correspondence, dated August 27 of last year, Mrs. Killegrew writes the following letter to her son, Jonathan who is currently a resident of Madison, Wisconsin and a student at the University of Wisconsin there. Mrs Killigrew writes the following.

"Dear Jonathan. How are you doing? I am feeling better since I went to see the doctor. He says that the burning sensation that I feel when I urinate is from an infection. He gave me some antibiotics and he suspects that both, the painful urination and bladder control problem will cure itself in a few days. So how are you doing? Are your hemorrhoids doing any better? I know they can be itchy and painful, but I really think they wouldn't be such a problem if you would only change underwear more often. I think the shit stains might be a huge part of the problem. Oh well. Your brother Bobby has been wetting the bed again, and your good for nothing brother-in-law got drunker than a skunk at the Killigrew family reunion. This time he called your cousin Amanda a slut, and puked in the Hawaiian punch. He was drunk and more or less ruined the whole affair. So, dear, I have to get going. Remember to eat your oat meal, it will make you more regular, and try to stay out of trouble. Your loving Mumsie. PS. I have joined the Green Party and am having a blast. Again, your loving Mumsie."

For those of you who are interested, Mrs. Smith resides at 348 Liberty Drive in Dullsville, Alabama. Her social security number is 666-66-6666 and her phone number is 555-899-7734. She was born on February 7, 1959, and she wears a size D Cup bra, and her ex husband left her for his 24- year- old secretary on July 4th of last year. Note my fellow Americans, that Mrs. Killigrew specifically says that she is a registered member of the Green Party. This, in my infallible opinion, is utterly unacceptable. When did I give Mrs. Killigrew to disagree with me about anything? When did I give her permission to join the Green Party? People like Mrs. Killigrew simply do not get it. They do not and will not understand that it is part of my job to dominate and control them in the name of security.

In the future you will undoubtedly learn that we have been using personal or perhaps even embarrassing information to ridicule and destroy anyone who disagrees with me. Again, I want the American people to know that any and all embarrassing information will be shared with the general public. Except for the nudie pictures that we intercept which are being posted on the west wall of the Lincoln bedroom for my personal enjoyment.

This is a long and difficult battle. The war on terrorism has given us an opportunity to abolish the American Constitution, but we have yet to affect our takeover of the United States. Much remains to be done. More lies must be told. More laws must be broken. More people must be detained, and yes, tortured, before the American people accept me as their new and latest Savior. But I am confident that if we work together, we can destroy any and all opposition in the name of security. I believe in my heart of hearts that we can destroy the rest of the opposition in the same way that we co-opted and destroyed the Republican Party from within.

I want you to know that as your leader, I will not rest until my word is law.

Good night, Sieg Heil, and may I and I alone, bless America.

Your President Select

George III

1 comment:

Eli Blake said...

Not such a stretch: Remember the excesses that occurred under J. Edgar Hoover? Hoover kept dossiers on fifty million Americans, and he used the information capriciously to destroy the lives or otherwise greatly damage those who had dared to cross him, or who he simply did not like for whatever reason. For decades, Hoover was so powerful that even Presidents of the United States feared him and gave him pretty much anything that he asked for.

It was because of this that the power of the government to spy on you was restricted in the first place. But now we have a new generation, who does not particularly remember the fear that one man was able to cast far and wide over America, so we seemed destined to repeat history over again.