By Brandon and Daniel
October 2006--Republicans retain majorities in both houses of Congress in November 2006 elections
Early January 2007--Inspired by voice of Jesus, Bush proposes the establishment of a Christian Republic. Demands Constitutional Amendment declaring Christianity the one and only official faith of the United States.
February 2007- Fueled by increasingly violent fantasies about the Rapture and the End Times, Bush calls a secret cabinet meeting demanding that all attempts to promulgate war be labeled as either "diplomatic efforts" or "attempts at peace making." During course of conversation, Bush announces, that he is the spiritual and moral equivalent of Jesus and demands that all followers wear his mark either on their foreheads or in the palms of their right hands.
May 2007--Radicalized House of Representatives proposes Constitutional Amendment that would declare the United States a "Christian Republic."
June 2007 --Senate introduces and passes the above Amendment.
Early September 2007--Following failed attempt to starve out minorities and low income residents in Hurricane ravaged New Orleans, Bush Regime diverts public attention to terrorism and social issues. Government-planned and executed terrorist attack on Mall of America is used as an excuse to heighten sense of fear and paranoia for the upcoming 2008 elections, although secret papers will eventually reveal that the intention had been to cancel the elections in the first place.
October 2007--Congress introduces and passes the above Christian Protection Act which forbids nonchristians to teach in public and private schools. Act also bans gays and unwed mothers from serving in the same capacity while imposing heavy fines and penalties on those who advocate Separation of Church and State.
November 2007--Bush Administration uses executive powers to ban the teaching of Darwinism in public schools. Ban imposes heavy fines on those who fail to endorse Creationism as scientific fact.. Secretary Rumsfeld threatens use of military tribunals against any individual or group of individuals which "fails to promote the Judeo-Christian interpretation of Creation."
December 2007--Congress declares homosexuality to be a crime against nature. Provides funding for the investigation and persecution of known and suspected gays and lesbians..
February 2008-- Despite previous praise for the nation of Israel, Judaism is declared a crime against the American State. Mel Gibson appointed as head of the new Christian Purity Protection Department which opnely promotes the vandalization of Jewish shops and cemetaries.
March 2008--Islamic terrorist attacks on Houston, Atlanta, and Miami. In following weeks more than 50,000 Muslims are beaten and killed in the streets while law enforcement officers, under secret orders from Alberto Gonzalez, either watch or take part in the actual beatings, Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson proclaim the pogrom to be the "work of God in our world today.". After learning that a majority of the terrorists were Saudi nationals, Bush orders bombing of Helsinki, Finland, noting "I never liked the sound of the word Hell-sink-eeee."
May 2008--Congress limits the right to hold state, local, or federal office to those individuals who can prove that they are either baptized or rebaptzied Christians. Bush, via presidential decree, claims the right to decide what comprises a legitimate Christian sect.
June 2008-- Queer Eye for the Straight Guy stars are hunted and burned. Their makeover victims burned at the stake in Salem, Massachusetts. In a twist on the old Medieval custom, Wican practitioners are set on fire to ignite the kindling, thus inventing the term "wags."
Mid July 2008--In an effort to fuel the flames of war, Secretary Donald Rumsfeld orders terrorist attacks in Jerusalem, with attacks concentrated on sites considered holy to Jews, Christians, and Muslims.
Mid August 2008--Congress passes the Anti-Blasphemy Act which criminalizes speech against the King James Bible, Christian symbols, or Christianity in general. Fines range from public humiliation to public torture. Flogging, stretching, and the strapado are reintroduced as viable interrogation techniques. Evidence derived from such practices are acceptable in all American courts. No such penalties are imposed on actions which desecrate Catholic Bibles or Catholic property.
November 2008--Heresy declared a capitol offense. More than 150,000 heretics are executed via hanging, burning, or flogging within the next four months. Several states pass their own versions of the former Puritan Blue Laws. Subsequent laws demand the video recording of all torture and execution, many copies of which are later discovered in George W. Bush's bedroom between a private collection of adult magazines and kiddy porn.
Mid December 2008--To cash in on the prevailing wave of intolerance, major TV networks create reality-based programs which feature the live torture and alleged confessions of so called "witches." The most successful of these programs, Sinclair's "To Burn Or Not To Burn," eradicates more than 150 accused "witches" "sorcerers" during the first season alone.
January 2009--Tensions between Ultra Fundamentalist Protestants and Far Right Catholics begin to boil over when Bush declares that "God does not hear the prayers of a Papist." Catholics stage protests which are brutally repressed by the Justice Department''s Christian Intimidation Society.
March 2009--After months of bitter unrest Bush declares himself to be the Second Coming of Christ. Bush then declares America to be a Protestant Theocracy, noting "democracy in our time was a terrible failure which saved no souls and did little to promote the conservative compassion of Christ." Declaration does not mention increasing levels of violence between Catholics and Protestants.
April 2009--Official beginning of the "Great Evangelical Schism." Civil War between Conservative Protestant South and Reactionary Catholics devolves quickly into a blood soaked grab for power between the various Christian sects. After the tragic death of Vice president Cheney, who suffere a massive coronary while shooting anti-war protesters infront of the Lincol Monument, Paul Gonzalez is promoted to office of Vice President. New Attorney General, Franklin Graham promptly declares Holy Crusade against all Non Protestants and Non Fundamentalists.
March 2009--Civil War, the Great Evangelical Schism officially erupts. During the course of the conflict, both sides manage to execute nine million witches, heretics, and homosexuals.
April 2009--Great Evangelical Schism turns nuclear as Donald Rumsfeld orders the use of WMDs. More than 27 million killed in nuclear strikes. 50 million additional lives claimed by plague and famine. Situation complicated by use of biological and chemical weapons against civilian populations. Divine Select Bush celebrates the deaths as proof that he will lead triumphant Christians to Heaven.
May 2009- In an attempt to stop the "escalating degeneration of Western Civilization," The Bush Regime substitutes the Book of Leviticus for the United States Constitution.
Early June 2009 --America descends into chaos despite forces of theocracy and tyranny
August 2009--Remaining territory of American Republic is temporarily partitioned by England, France, Germany, Russia, and Brazil. Provisional capitol moved to Chicago, Illinois..
September 2009 --Christian Fundamentalism and the Republican Party are banned in the same way Nazism was banned in Germany after World War II. Schools and society in general are officially Derepubicanized. During second series of war crime trials, religious leaders Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, Jams Dobson, and Ralph Reed are found guilty of war crimes and sentenced to hard labor in San Francisco.
October 2009--Following public executions of convicted war criminals, reparations proceed at an accelerated rate. Environmental cleanup initiated in major American Urban Centers. International Corporations like Haliburton and Bechtel forced to pay costs of war.